I live in my own little world. But it’s OK. They know me here. 

So I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place! 

An archaeological team, digging in 
Washington DC , has uncovered 
10,000 year old bones and fossil remains 
Of what is believed to be the first 
Politician. 

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. … Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?’ To which he responded: ‘I found the remote.

Good health is merely the lowest possible rate at which one can die.

Little known Fact:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. 

(Hardly seems worth it.)

Hats off 4 Our Heroes

The rush of 10th Anniversary 9-11 images last week vividly reminded us at www.lifeiscrap.com about the impact First Responders quietly make on our lives everyday to keep us out of ‘Crapsway’. So in their honor, the first 100 orders placed before Fri., Sept. 23 will receive a FREE Logo Hat…… Plus, www.lifeiscrap.com will make a donation from the proceeds to The National Fallen Firefighters Fund.

May we also suggest that YOU tip your hat to a First Responder near you. Perform a random act of kindness. Pass your ‘Crappy’ hat along to a deserving responder in your community with YOUR appreciation for their service. Remember how much REAL Crap they deal with all the time!!

Alcohol does not make you FAT, it makes you LEAN….against tables, chairs, walls, floors……..

When Life Goes Wrong, Don’t Get Sad, Get Crappy!

(Source: youtu.be)

Life is Crap for Morris:

Morris  returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor  has told him that he has only 24 hours to  live.

Given  the prognosis, Morris
asks his wife for  sex.

Naturally,  she agrees, so
they make  love.

About  6 hours later, the
husband goes to his wife and  says,

‘Honey,  you know I now have
only 18 hours to  live..

Could  we please do it one
more  time?’

Of  course, the wife agrees,
and they do it  again.

Later,  as the man gets into
bed, he looks at his  watch

and  realizes that he now has
only 8 hours  left.

He  touches his wife’s
shoulder and  asks,

‘Honey,  please… just one
more time before I  die.’

She  says, ‘Of course, Dear,’
and they make love for the third  time.

After  this session, the wife
rolls over and falls to  sleep.

Morris,  however, worried about his impending death,
tosses and  turns, until he’s down to 4 more  hours.

He  taps his wife, who rouses.
‘Honey, I have only 4 more  hours.

Do  you think we 
could…’

At  this point the wife sits
up and says, ‘Listen Morris,  enough is enough
I have to get up in the morning… you  don’t.’